Living Between Different Cultures: Why Belonging Can Feel So Complicated

Understanding Multicultural Identity, Cultural Adjustment, and the Search for Belonging 

By Tsz-Ying (Kewbei) Lee, Intern Therapist

Summary: People who grow up between cultures, like international students, immigrants, people working overseas, and children of multicultural families, often develop what psychologists call a multicultural identity. This can bring valuable perspectives, but it can also create emotional exhaustion, a sense of not fully belonging anywhere, and tension between personal values and cultural expectations. This article explains why living between cultures can feel emotionally complicated, and how to build a stronger sense of belonging without losing your true self.

Have you ever felt like you don't completely belong anywhere?

Perhaps you have lived abroad and noticed that returning home no longer feels the same. Maybe you find yourself changing the way you speak, behave, or express emotions depending on who you are with. You may feel connected to more than one culture, yet still can't find where you truly belong.

If you have experienced this, you are not alone.

In today's increasingly globalized world, many people live between different cultures. International students, immigrants, children of multicultural families, and those who have spent a massive amount of time abroad often develop a multicultural identity, which is an identity shaped by more than one cultural background.

While having multiple cultural experiences can bring valuable perspectives and strengths, it can also create emotional challenges. Many people struggle with questions like:

• "Where do I truly belong?"
• "Am I too different from my own culture?"
• "Why do I feel like I don't fully fit in anywhere?"
• "Which version of myself is the real me?"

These experiences are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are often a natural part of navigating multiple cultural identities.

What Is Multicultural Identity?

Multicultural identity refers to the experience of identifying with and participating in more than one cultural world. This may occur when someone:

• Grows up in a multicultural family
• Studies or works in another country
• Immigrates to a new culture
• Maintains strong connections with multiple cultural communities
• Moves frequently between countries or cultural environments

Culture influences much more than just language, food, or traditions. It shapes how we understand relationships, express emotions, define success, make decisions, and view ourselves. For example, one culture may emphasize independence and personal achievement, while another may place greater importance on family connection and collective harmony. When someone identifies with both perspectives, they may experience tension between different expectations. However, having a multicultural identity does not mean being confused or divided. Instead, it means carrying multiple experiences, values, and perspectives that contribute to who you are.

Why Can Living Between Two Cultures Feel Emotionally Exhausting?

1. Constantly Adapting to Different Expectations

Many people with multicultural identities become skilled at adapting to different environments. They may naturally adjust their communication style, behavior, or emotional expression depending on the cultural context.

For example:

• You may communicate more directly in one environment but more indirectly in another.
• You may prioritize individual choices in some situations but consider family expectations in others.
• You may express emotions differently depending on who you are with.

This ability to adapt can be a strength. It often reflects flexibility, empathy, and cultural awareness. However, constantly adjusting can also become emotionally tiring. Some people begin to wonder: "Which version of myself is the real one?"

The answer is that all of these versions can be true. Different parts of yourself may naturally emerge in different cultural settings, and this does not mean you are being unreal.

2. Feeling Like You Don't Fully Belong Anywhere

One of the most common struggles among people living between cultures is the feeling of being "in between."

You may feel:

• Too different from people in your original culture
• Not fully accepted in the new culture
• Misunderstood by people who have not shared similar experiences

For example, someone who studied abroad for many years may return home realizing that they have changed. Their values, communication style, or worldview may no longer completely match the environment they once knew. At the same time, they may still feel like an outsider in the culture they adapted to. This experience can create loneliness and confusion. You may feel connected to multiple cultures while also feeling that you do not completely belong to any single one of them.

3. Struggling Between Personal Values and Cultural Expectations

Living between cultures often involves negotiating different values.

You may find yourself asking:

• "Should I follow what my family expects or what feels right for me?"
• "Am I being selfish if I prioritize my own goals?"
• "Why do I feel guilty when I make choices that are different from my culture?"

These questions are especially common among individuals who navigate differences between collectivistic and individualistic values. For some people, cultural expectations provide connection, meaning, and belonging. For others, they may feel restrictive or difficult to balance with personal needs. Finding your own identity does not mean rejecting your cultural background. It is rather understanding which values genuinely reflect who you are.

How Can You Build a Stronger Sense of Belonging?

Accept That You Do Not Have to Choose One Identity. A common misconception about multicultural identity is that people must choose one culture over another. However, identity does not have to be an "either-or" choice. Instead of asking: "Which culture do I belong to?" You may consider asking: "How have these different cultures shaped the person I am today?" Both cultures can be meaningful parts of your story.

Explore Your Own Values

When navigating multiple cultures, it can be helpful to separate cultural expectations from personal values.

Ask yourself:

• What matters most to me?
• Which values do I want to carry forward?
• Which beliefs feel meaningful rather than simply expected?

Developing your own sense of identity allows you to honor your cultural background while also making choices that align with who you are.

When Can Counselling Help?

Navigating multiple cultural identities can sometimes bring feelings of stress, loneliness, uncertainty, or conflict. Counselling can provide a supportive space to explore these experiences with curiosity and compassion. Cross-cultural counselling can help you reflect on questions such as:

• How have my cultural experiences shaped my identity?
• How can I balance my needs with cultural expectations?
• Where do I feel most like myself?
• How can I create a stronger sense of belonging?

The goal of counselling is not to encourage someone to choose one culture over another. It is instead about helping individuals develop a more integrated understanding of themselves and embrace all parts of their identity.

Final Thoughts

Living between multiple cultures can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally exhausting. You may question where you belong or feel caught between different expectations. However, having multiple cultural identities can also be a source of strength. Your ability to understand different perspectives, adapt to new environments, and appreciate diverse ways of seeing the world reflects resilience and growth.

Belonging is not about choosing one culture over another. It is about creating a space where every part of who you are, your experiences, values, languages, and cultural identities can all exist together. You do not have to choose between the cultures that have shaped you. Sometimes, the place where you truly belong is the one you create by embracing all parts of yourself :)

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel like I don't fully belong to any culture?
Yes. This experience, often described as feeling "in between," is common among international students, immigrants, people working overseas, and people from multicultural families. It reflects the natural process of holding multiple cultural identities rather than a personal flaw.Does having a multicultural identity mean I have to choose one culture?
No. Identity does not have to be an either-or choice. A more helpful question is how your different cultural experiences have shaped who you are today, rather than which single culture you belong to.Can living between cultures affect mental health?
It can. Cultural transitions, identity questions, and shifting expectations may bring stress, loneliness, or guilt. At the same time, navigating multiple cultures can also build resilience, flexibility, and empathy.How can counselling help with multicultural identity or belonging?
Cross-cultural counselling offers a supportive space to explore how your cultural experiences have shaped your identity, values, and relationships, and to build a more integrated, stable sense of belonging, without needing to choose one culture over another.

At Blooming / Blooming-Anhe Center for Counseling Services, we work with clients navigating multicultural identity, cross-cultural adjustment, and questions of belonging. Our therapists are experienced in supporting international students, immigrants, and individuals from multicultural backgrounds. If you are exploring where you belong, we welcome you to reach out and begin that conversation with us.

References:

American Psychological Association. (2023). Multicultural guidelines: An ecological approach to context, identity, and intersectionality. https://www.apa.org

Brance, K., Chatzimpyros, V., & Bentall, R. P. (2023). Increased social identification is linked with lower depressive and anxiety symptoms among ethnic minorities and migrants: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical psychology review, 99, 102216. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2022.102216

Schwartz, S. J., Unger, J. B., Zamboanga, B. L., & Szapocznik, J. (2010). Rethinking the concept of acculturation: Implications for theory and research. American Psychologist, 65 (4), 237–251.

Ward, C., & Szabó, Á. (2023). Acculturation, cultural identity and well-being. Nature Reviews Psychology, 2, 267–282. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44159-023-00171-2