How Does Therapy Change Attachment Styles?
By Meng-lin (Benny) Hsieh, M.Ed., Counseling Psychologist in Taiwan
Attachment Styles Explained: Internal Working Models
Attachment Styles are enduring patterns of behaviors that people exhibit in close relationships. An individual's attachment style is guided by what psychologists call "Internal Working Models", which is essentially a script for developing and maintaining intimacy. Internal Working Models can be broken down into three domains: Self, Others, and Relational. The Self Domain describes a person's beliefs regarding their self-awareness ("What kind of person am I when I am in love?"), their sense of worthiness of love ("Do I deserve to be loved?"), and their sense of interpersonal agency ("Am I capable of influencing my relationships/ environments?"). The Others Domain are a set of beliefs that dictate whether the behaviors of others are predictable, approachable, and trustworthy. Finally, the Relational Domain beliefs determine how a person gradually 'moves toward' other people, and how to seek and actually experience reassurance from others.
4 Types of Attachment Styles: Secure, Preoccupied, Dismissive, and Fearful
Bartholomew & Horowitz (1991) categorizes an individual's Attachment Style in romantic relationships based on two aspects: the dependability of self and others. When a person believes both the self and others are dependable, they exhibit a "Secure Attachment" style. These people also experience anxiety when there is relational distancing or even rejection. However, they are capable of seeking reassurance through communication or finding other ways of calming oneself. When a person finds others to be more dependable than the self, they exhibit a "Preoccupied Attachment" Style. These people often feel anxious about the relationship turning for the worse, and they often try to decrease this anxiety by increasing their sense of control, which often backfires. When a person finds themselves more dependable than others, they exhibit the "Dismissive Attachment" style. These people also feel rejected from time to time, but they mostly rely on themselves to self-soothe, which sometimes can make their partners feel like they don't actually care about them, even if the opposite is true. And finally, when a person finds neither themselves nor other people to be a reliable source of love and comfort, they exhibit a "Fearful Attachment" style. These people often feel helpless in the face of their own relational needs, at the same time inadvertently ignoring other people's attempt at connection because they already feel overwhelmed by their own emotions.
Figure 1 Attachment Styles according to Bartholomew & Horowitz (1991)
How Does Therapy Change A Person's Attachment Style?
Different approaches to therapy change an individual's attachment through different ways. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) targets the beliefs that comprise the client's Internal Working Model directly, and devises "behavioral experiments" to test out those beliefs. The client eventually discovers for themselves that certain beliefs, while important at one point in their lives, are no longer serving them. The client then gains the opportunity to develop more balanced beliefs that help them relate to others in their lives. In psychodynamic therapy, the therapist uses themselves as a sounding board of sorts, which allows the client's interpersonal script to reenact itself within the therapeutic relationship (transference). The therapist-client dyad then gets to create a "Corrective Emotional Experience" by working through this transference within the guardrails of therapy. The client's original maladaptive beliefs are then weakened through this experience. In couple's therapy, such as Emotions Focused Therapy, the couples' therapist helps identify ways in which the couple is interacting that trap both parties into isolation, and figure out ways to step out of those destructive cycles, and jumpstart healthier ways of expressing and addressing relational needs.
We all have needs. We all desire to be understood, supported, trusted, seen. No matter which approach, therapists facilitate clients' exploration of their needs and wants, to see if clients can learn to communicate these needs. And if for whatever reason the client is not yet capable of doing so, therapists help clients explore the obstacles they face in such instances, and collaboratively develop strategies to overcome these challenges. It is through such sustained compassionate care and support over time that the client gains opportunities to internalize a gentler, kinder way of relating to self and others. That is how therapy changes a person's attachment style. After all, people are capable of changing their minds.
References
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